Morning walk: (Also Read)

 

 Morning walk

Hello dear Vocal Community, today I want to share a bit of my life with you all. The only thing in between writing this down is that my wife and daughter are still asleep. But it's been about 3 months since our son was born. We were doing really well for the first few months after his birth. He was healthy and the doctors said he would be fine even if we had another child.

We did that too, but then there were some health issues that came up. My little boy has ADHD, so he doesn't concentrate as much in class as many people do. One year ago when the school closed because of COVID, my son started to suffer from headaches and other symptoms that didn't go away. It wasn't until two weeks ago that the doctor mentioned something called "migraine". So now we have three children and they're not very good at sitting still. They can get up and move around quite easily. And they don't concentrate on what's happening to them like I thought that they would. This hasn't helped the migraine either. It just makes me anxious all the time wondering what's wrong. Of course, it's not as bad as having kids, but it is much more than us being busy parents.

Now that I think back about where I grew up, there was always such a pressure to work hard in order to keep your family together. Maybe you had an idea about how to take care of your baby while working to support your entire household. Or maybe you just felt that your job was something that you were prepared for, because you knew that you'd need to work extra hours, or that one day a situation might arise where you wouldn't be able to help out due to illness or injury. Whatever the case was, most families struggled with balancing their lives after you get married. Especially in these days with work and childcare responsibilities, it has become increasingly difficult to stay organized and manage both.

But the problem isn't as simple as it seems. Most times when parents work outside their home, they aren't able to spend time with each other. When they're gone, you notice their relationships getting off balance. It's like you've never seen your grandparent smile, or your grandmother is often grumpy around her grandchildren. You feel detached from those around you. That's why you tend to have less energy for things outside of work. A colleague once told me that some teachers used to make fun of him on a regular basis when he worked late. Now that I'm older enough to remember, it sounds silly, but apparently some teachers did something that made him lose focus for days upon end. If you ask me, that's what happens to adults. Their attention gets lost. Don't worry though, everyone forgets, but for some reason it doesn't seem as weird for a teacher to suddenly forget to show up, or leave behind anything important.

On top of that, you might feel lonely because your colleagues are working overtime or they're sick themselves. Even if there's a family member who can get over the shift because she's also a mother, who will be able to come to your office and sit beside you. Not to mention the additional stress that works with childcare has on people. How can you focus on your task without making sure that your spouse or offspring is okay? In fact, at least I've noticed lately that a lot of parents need to deal with that issue. You don't know how people deal with it if they're raising a child every day. What about the ones that live near their parents who need extra care after work? There's no substitute for their family and sometimes you can't rely on them.

After all these years living with this anxiety, there comes a point where you start feeling like giving up and calling it quits. At that moment, you realize that the solution to this is too obvious a statement to say. After all, surely you have something else in mind? Yeah, I've lost count of how many things I'd like to change in my life. Then I remember that there are people that I can count on in my future. Maybe I'll find someone like that. No, maybe I won't. All in all, I can see that I haven't given everyone everything that I wanted so bad. If you ask me, it means something had failed somewhere. Whether it's the lack of time spent with your child, or when you're not able to give what you need to your partner if she needs you, or how do you expect to take care of yourself in all aspects at all times? You cannot control everything. Life happens. Some things are easier than others. But I guess there's at least one thing that I've realized and it goes along the lines of "If you can't trust anybody, then you'll never take advice, and if you don't trust people, the world is your oyster."